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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22551799">seventeen</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dogslovepizza/pseuds/Dogslovepizza'>Dogslovepizza</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Steven Universe Needs Therapy, Suicidal Thoughts, indirect reference to cactus steven, no one is mentioned by name but (i hope) we all know who he’s talking about</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:27:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22551799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dogslovepizza/pseuds/Dogslovepizza</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>a short view into steven’s mind</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">why can’t i be good enough for you?</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">for them?</span>
</p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">what </span> <em> <span class="s2">happened </span> </em> <span class="s1">between then and now?</span></p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i used to be good enough</span>
</p>
<p class="p1"><em> <span class="s2">used </span> </em> <span class="s1">to be</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">why is everything</span> <span class="s1">crashing down on me </span><span class="s2"><em>now</em>?</span></p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">when i thought we could finally be happy together</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">without the threat of death constantly looming over us</span>
</p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">but guess </span> <em> <span class="s4">what</span> </em> <span class="s1">?</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">...we’re not even safe now, let alone <em>happy</em></span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">at least,</span>
</p>
<p class="p1"><em> <span class="s2">i’m</span> </em> <span class="s1"> not</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><em><span class="s2">why </span></em><span class="s1">am</span> <span class="s1">i</span><span class="s2"><em> not</em>?</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">i mean, i </span> <em> <span class="s2">know</span> </em> <span class="s1"> why not. I’m not </span> <em> <span class="s2">that</span> </em> <span class="s1"> clueless. being everybody else’s therapist while keeping everything </span> <em> <span class="s2">i </span> </em> <span class="s1">have bottled up isn’t exactly the easiest job</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">for </span> <strike> <span class="s5">fu </span> </strike> <span class="s1">goodness’s sake, i was </span> <em> <span class="s2">fourteen</span> </em></p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i was only a child</span>
</p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">i </span> <strike> <span class="s5">couldn’t</span> </strike> <span class="s1"> can’t even open up to you guys because i’m scared of how you’d react</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">what would you think of me if you saw me like </span> <em> <span class="s2">this</span> </em> <span class="s1">?</span></p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i can’t worry you like this</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">not again</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i was so lucky that you guys let me go after that happened</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">even though all signs pointed to no,</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you guys still let me leave</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><em> <span class="s2">why </span> </em> <span class="s1">did you guys let me leave?</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">am i </span> <span class="s2"><em>that</em> <em>useless </em></span> <span class="s1">now?</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i did to him what you guys did to me and i didn’t even notice</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"><em>i</em> <em>didn’t</em> <em>notice</em></span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">how many times have i done it before?</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">did i just not notice?</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">or was this the first time?</span>
</p>
<p class="p1"><em> <span class="s2">god</span> </em> <span class="s1">, i hope it was the first time</span></p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"><br/>at least he left before i could make it worse</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">he <em>chose </em>to leave me</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">if you guys had the <em>choice</em>, i wouldn’t even know about you</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">but i guess even though she’s gone, you still feel like you have a debt to her</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">a debt you want to repay by taking care of <em>me,</em></span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">but, instead of getting Rose 2.0, you got <em>me,</em></span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">but</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">reasonably, you <em>should</em> have problems, i <em>shouldn’t</em></span>
</p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s2"><br/><em>you </em> </span> <span class="s1">knew </span> <span class="s2">her</span></p>
<p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">i didn’t</span> </em>
</p>
<p class="p1"> </p>
<p class="p1"><em> <span class="s2">you </span> </em> <span class="s1">suffered through a war</span></p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="u"> <em> <span class="s6">i didn’t </span> </em> </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><em> <span class="s2">you </span> </em> <span class="s1">saw your friends and family die</span></p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="u"> <em> <strong> <span class="s7">i didn’t</span> </strong> </em> </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">and yet i feel like this</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">why?</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">when </span> <span class="s2">everything </span> <span class="s1">has worked out for me?</span></p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">maybe not at first, but</span>
</p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">it </span> <span class="s2">always </span> <span class="s1">worked</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">and yet i think i have the right to feel like this</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">what would happen if my gem was shattered?</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">if ‘someone’ just came by and shattered it?</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">wouldn’t that be sad?</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">such a </span> <span class="s2">tragedy</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">but, oh well,</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it was unavoidable</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">maybe you’d mourn me for a day or two, then move on</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">after all, isn’t a </span> <span class="s2">thousand</span> <span class="s1"> years just a short time for you guys?</span></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">seventeen years is even shorter</span>
</p>
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